The Wrap-Up/// What Is The World Coming To?

Empress — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:27:07 +0000

By: Lande Yoosuf

The Democratic primary race is still in action, but one candidate will soon claim themselves as the nominee. Barack Obama widened his lead to Hilary Clinton last week Tuesday by wining North Carolina and losing by a very narrow margin in Indiana. He also gained nine undecided superdelegates as of this weekend. Despite the grim outlook for Clinton, she insists that she will continue to be in the race until the Democratic convention this summer. Her main argument for staying in the election is that she has support from the larger voting blocks within the Democratic party such as the white working class, the elderly, and Latinos while Obama says he is backed by African Americans, educated whites, newly registered voters, and individuals who earn over 100 thousand per year. The assumption from political analysts is that these results stem mainly from the Reverend Wright incident. Do you agree? Share your comments below! **************************************************************

Peaceful protests were held last week in opposition to the Sean Bell verdict. The three cops who were indicted were acquitted by a New York City judge, which sparked a large amount of outrage in the black community. Three of the protests were in Manhattan while one was in Brooklyn. 190 protesters were arrested, including well-known supporter of the Bell family, Al Sharpton. The demonstration included a kneeling prayer in addition to 50 counts aloud to note the number of bullets that were shot at Sean Bell. Traffic was interrupted at some of the locations, which is the main reasoning behind their arrests. Despite the disappointing results from the trial, Bell’s fiancé assured various press sources that she will appeal the verdict so that the case can be federally investigated.

************************************************************** Some central and southeastern states were hit heavy this weekend in a tornado. Twenty-one people were killed in total and hundreds were injured. Missouri leads the death rate with 14 people, six in Oklahoma, and one in George. Missouri had over 150 damaged homes alone, and the tornado ripped through some communities for over a mile.An earthquake this morning in China has 107 recorded deaths thus far, and 900 teenagers were buried in rubble after a school collapsed in the quake. Police and emergency crews have limited communication with victims because the phone lines were unfortunately thwarted from the quake’s magnitude, so the death toll is very likely to increase later today.

The U.S. military sent aid for cyclone victims in the Myanmar region of southeast Asia today which killed over 100 thousand, and left over one million homeless. If you wish to donate to victims, you can log on to www.worldvision.com.

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A video streamed on the internet last week of a girl who interrupted an Atlanta train ride by verbally attacking passengers and throwing a temper tantrum, to the point where she was challenged by a young man. She accused him of raping her and confronted him, but the dispute was separated by witnessing train riders. She also harassed another elderly woman who did not respond, which can be viewed here: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/389051/page=99. After the incident, she was taken into custody by authorities and charged with disorderly conduct. An Atlanta radio show that heavily reported on the situation invited the young woman’s sister and the father of her child to speak on her behalf. They allegedly declared that she is diagnosed with bi polar disorder and has not been taking her mediation. Listen to the interview here: http://www.zshare.net/audio/1177988823c05603/. She is still in police custody and her fate is still undetermined.

The Power Of Fear In A Relationship

Empress — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:26:38 +0000

As most of us know, our relationships are a big part of our life, and our own personal growth. Our growth starts basically from our relationships. Remember when we were young looking up to our parents, or to our older brothers or sisters, sometimes envying them for being older, or just trying to understand them. But the best of all was trying to build up our relationship with them.

From that point on our own personal growth began. This initial growth, helped to direct us towards different directions in life, according to the way we did handle those early growth experiences.

We know that ego and pride plays a major part in our relationships. This time, we will look at another area that can really hit us hard when we are in a relationship, and that is fear and selflessness.

What is fear? Fear can be defined in many different ways, but we will look at fear in a relationship as our concern today.

Fear, is defined by two different aspects of our relationships. As I see it today, it is the fear of commitment and the fear of the other person in a relationship. Fear of commitment in a relationship can happen to the best of us when we have had one, or several, tough relationships or tough times growing up in this lifetime. That can help to keep that fear alive.

Why do we keep carrying around that fear? Very simple - many times we don’t know any better, and other times we are just afraid to be vulnerable, or to allow ourselves to open up. That fear can only bring unhappiness in the end.

Fear of the other person in the relationship is just as tough as that first fear but we need, and it is very important, to be honest with ourselves and to ask the question “Why are we afraid of our partner?” Why have we allowed ourselves to be stuck in that relationship for so long? What is it that created this fear in us? Why have we allowed it to go that far in the first place? Asking that, and many other good questions that need to be addressed until we click in with the answer. Do not disqualify any answer because that is what most of us do in the first place. Our intuition seems to be the last thing we trust. Just learn to trust that inner voice of yours. Fear can only be resolved by building up our own self-confidence. Your partner, in this case, probably knows that you fear him or her and may take advantage of this!

From my angle, I see again that fear lies in the way that we grew up and what we really need to look at is our own level of self-confidence. Sometimes we have been abused as a child and our self-esteem is tarnished. What we need to tackle now is on how we have chosen to build up our self-confidence and self-esteem. This is a very important start.

To be able to accomplish this you need to go back to whatever age you were when that problem started to occur. Look at it as if you were seeing yourself, and your life, as a movie in front of you. Write down everything you see, and start to listen to the way you talk today. Is there a common pattern? You should see something reoccurring over time and even in how you experience your relationships today. You will probably see that those patterns are still there, as if it were the first time it happened some ten, fifteen or twenty years ago. It is great if you can identify these patterns in your life that keep repeating, in a progressive way, time after time, or from one relationship to another. Then you will know from where you will need to begin, and fix what you have identified as needing fixing. Many times we say “but I can’t see it yet”. After time has passed, read all of the writing that you did earlier as a child growing up. Reading it later may help you to see the patterns, I guarantee that! BUT, there is one thing that you might or might not see throughout the years, and that is the negative attitude you may have about yourself, and your life, and that has to change too. If you master your attitude, then you are almost guaranteed that over eighty percent of your problem is solved. Think about it for a moment please…

I learned from my own example that there is no cure until it is handled at the root of the problem. Not just by the symptoms of today’s problems, or else nothing (or a very little amount) will change. New problems will surface later on because the understanding of the early stage of the problem hasn’t been identified and this may prevent us from being provided with the answer to a happier existence. It really does not matter why things happened in the first place, as long as we learn to accept our unfortunate situation. Forgive, bless it, and let it go. It won’t take a lifetime for things to change in your life from that point on. That’s from my own personal experiences.

Sometimes, this process is very hard and painful to go through. Your old life experiences, and your energy level, might go to the bottom, but not as long as you know why you are doing it in the first place. It’s not a long process but two important factors are required YOU being involved in the first place. It is your life after all, and your own personal responsibility. Without those two ingredients we will keep running in a circle.

As you see when you properly handle the first stage of the problem, all of the symptoms or hurdles will fall and disappear instantly without even realizing it, because it is no longer important to your mind, heart and soul. It has been solved!

After all, the worse thing any Soul has to endure is living in fear, all of their life, especially while next to their partner, and the people who they love.

Enjoy your relationships with the people you love, and cherish it for all that it’s worth, because life is worth living and it should be in harmony.

Ridiculous (and Rising) Gas Prices Getting You Down? Here’s What To Do

Empress — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:26:27 +0000

BY: Kade Phillips

Sub-prime mortgage crisis, food prices soaring, gasoline costs through the roof - do you feel like you’re being financially squeezed at every turn? Here are some easy things you can do about some of your auto related expenses.

Slow things down a bit

On most major U.S. highways and freeways, the posted speed limited for automobiles & motorcycles is typically between 55-75 mph. If you’ve got a bit of a lead foot, you should know that increasing your speed does increase your automobiles gas consumption accordingly. Driving 20% faster than the posted limit increases your gas consumption by roughly 20% as well. Think about it, with today’s soaring gas prices, do you really want to be buying 20% more gas?

Use Cruise Control

The governments website “www.fueleconomy.gov” suggests that using cruise control on the highway helps you maintain a constant speed and, in most cases, will save gas. The also advise to use Overdrive Gears because, When you use overdrive gearing, your car’s engine speed goes down. This saves gas and reduces engine wear. You’ll be saving gas, the environment and ultimately your hard earned dollars.

Relax, live longer and enjoy the ride

Aggressive driving, like rapid acceleration, speeding, and hard braking increases gasoline consumption by up to 37% according to a recent study done by Natural Resources Canada. Incredibly, it’s also been reported that aggressive city driving only gets you where you want to go about 2½ minutes faster on a 60–minute trip. 37% more gas to buy??? It’s a lot to pay for so little time saved, dontcha think?

Is your vehicle actually another ’storage room’

While it may seem like a convenient place to keep certain things, minimizing the amount of “stuff” you keep in your automobile can save you a significant amount of gas money. It is estimated by the U.S. Department of Energy that for every additional 100 pounds that you truck around in your vehicle, you are increasing your gas consumption by about 1-2%. This can really add up over time.

Not going anywhere and still burning up loads of costly gas?

It seems silly to state the obvious, but…you get 0 miles per gallon if your car is idling. You could simply turn off the cars motor if you’re not moving for a while. Instead of idling while waiting at the fast food drive-up window, why not park the car and go inside? It’s often way faster to get served anyway, and you should know that idling in the line up for more than 10 seconds burns more gas than restarting the engine would. Use this tip wisely, and your gasoline savings will mount.

A well-maintained and smoothly running vehicle uses less fuel

Your auto was designed for optimal operation with certain minimum requirements in place. If these minimum requirements are not met, your cars fuel-efficiency suffers.

Consider the following:

• Keeping your tires properly inflated can improve your gas mileage by around 3.3 per cent.
• Your car’s air filter keeps impurities from damaging the inside of your engine and it helps the engine to operate more efficiently. Replacing a dirty air filter can improve your vehicle’s gas mileage by as much as 10 per cent.
• You can improve your vehicle’s gas mileage by 1-2 per cent by using the manufacturer’s recommended grade of motor oil. Using lower grades will not only hurt the engine, but will hurt your wallet as well, in the form of much costlier fill-ups at the pump.

Drive less - much less if you can

Now we know that this is not for everyone, but for many of us, this is not only a viable option, but it could lead to some wonderful side benefits if enabled correctly. Much better health and fitness levels could be ours if we chose instead to walk or cycle whenever possible, instead of driving absolutely everywhere. Other options are car pooling with others (could be great for your social life) - or downsizing your ride - how about one of those new scooters that gets like 80 miles per gallon?

All kidding aside, most of us could drive a lot less, walk a bit more, and we’d all be far better off for it.

Cheaper auto insurance? - yes, it’s very possible

With gas prices through the roof, saving money at the pumps is a real hot-topic these days, but you should know that there’s another vehicle (excuse the pun) worth looking at for significant savings where your auto costs are concerned. It’s easy to do, usually costs nothing but a bit of your time to do, and most people are still unaware of just how much money can be saved.

Did you know that car insurance rates can and do vary wildly from insurer to insurer - for basically the same coverage? Only by shopping around for your auto insurance coverage and getting quotes from several insurance companies will you know whether you are getting the best possible rate on your car insurance coverage. Don’t pay any more than you have to - shop around for your car insurance policy. If you have a few minutes, compare your current auto insurance rate with multiple competing offers right now. Click on: Cheap auto insurance to get started. It could be the best 5-minute investment decision you make all year.

Kade Phillips is a contributing writer at www.kanetix.com. Cheap auto insurance really is possible with the help of kanetix. For more visit http://www.kanetix.com/auto-insurance

How To Avoid Drama Kings

Empress — Mon, 05 May 2008 00:09:04 +0000

Keith left her, just left altogether with no satisfactory explanation. Just announced, after six months of a hot-house infatuation that had swept her off her feet, “Sorry, Dana, this isn’t working” — said it not even kindly, at that — and said he wanted out. He wasn’t interested in hearing why Dana thought that in fact it was working; that it was a relationship and relationships needed a little working out now and again. No, he didn’t want to hear it. For him, it was the end. Discussion over.

And he never came back.

It always seems unthinkable, this scenario in which a lover not only leaves, but leaves abruptly; runs you over like a train, as if whatever you had together was a meaningless diversion and you, well, you were just something to be left on the side of the curb like roadkill. In all my years of writing about love, this form of goodbye is the one that draws the most letters from readers.

Or maybe you weren’t dumped by a Hit & Run lover but are limping along with someone I call The Visitor — a man who comes and goes at whim and cannot commit to anything other than a measly, “Hey, so, maybe we’ll get together a week from Tuesday, if I don’t have to work and if my mother isn’t coming into town? Or maybe another night that week, maybe? Or something? Whatever.” He’s someone who ascends on you for food, drink, sex — and may or may not stop by again sometime soon, as if you were the owner of a Bed & Breakfast, and you run a good enough establishment for him to return sometime to be served and nurtured again, but only at his leisure.

How do you ever find closure when you’ve been decimated by a Hit & Run? How do you find love with a Visitor who can’t even commit to a definite date? How do you, a 21st century woman, busy and happy and self-sufficient and more successful than women ever were before, extract love and commitment from a 20th century man? For yes, these men — I call them Drama Kings because they’re solo performers, one-man shows who still long for an ancient, man-centric universe — still think the world revolves around them. They still think women are put on earth to please them — but haven’t the talent nor the inclination to return the favor.

How do you cut your losses? I’ll tell you how. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. You remind yourself that you’re lucky to get out. That these guys are exhausting and will always drain you dry. You are too busy, and much too evolved, for this nonsense.

You do not call the Hit & Run lover on his cell phone to locate him, nor to find out why you were so unceremoniously dumped. (You’ll only be humiliated over again. You’ll only hear the most chilling replies — “Oh, it’s you. Um, yeah I know I left you on the side of the road, but I’m busy.” Or, “No, I really don’t want to talk about it.”) You do not try to make a Visitor become a grown-up man who can commit to something more than a “Whatever.” You remember one thing, and one thing only: You do not NEED this man. You have a roof over your head. You are a smart, darling, self-sufficient, loving woman who wants a smart, darling loving man. He is out there, but this one is not the one.

When you’re hurt by a Drama King — of which The Hit & Run and the Visitor are but two of five types — you’ve been hurt by a man who doesn’t care how he behaves. Who doesn’t care to become deeply attached. Like a skilled performer, he only pretended he wanted a relationship, pretended he was fit for love, but in the end, sabotaged them both.

So before we focus on your heartbreak, I want to remind you: Why do you always feel exhausted with Drama Kings? Because they sap your energy. Why do you always feel lonely in your relationship with them? Because they refuse to get close. Why do you always feel anxious and sort of weirdly needy? Because my friend, they aren’t giving you what you need. And never will.

So do not idealize him, and do not blame yourself. You escaped! You avoided spending more time with a love fraud! I once spoke with a woman who’d been dumped as unceremoniously as Miranda was, and listened to her litany of self-blame — she’d “wasted years of my life” with this man; she’d “made a mess” of the relationship, she “should have known it wouldn’t work out.” Awash in misery, I couldn’t get her to rejoice in the fact that she had a chance, now, to find a man able and willing to love her back.

Today, though, I find women recovering quickly and not beating themselves up. Best of all — I find them saying they feel better than they did before they wrestled with their Drama Kings! The hundreds of women I’ve spoken with over the years do NOT stay permanently depleted by these guys: In fact, post-Drama King, strong women only get stronger. They seem to have developed steadily, cumulatively, through their relationships with Drama Kings — no matter how long it lasted or how dramatically it ended. It’s as if the adult woman’s self grows more resilient, more durable — stronger — through even the knottiest, nuttiest relationships — just as a child’s self grows. Kids get through developmental difficulties by working through issues of attachment — and so, I believe, do adults. It’s as though the developing personality is like kindling, needing to rub against another personality in order to create the spark that ignites the ever-growing self. That’s why you will move on from your Drama King ready for love sooner than you think — growing ever more proficient at finding a man who’s able to share center stage; and able to love you back.

Avoiding a Drama King in the future requires holding on to the sense memory of what it feels like to be with one. You have to know your responses, and pay attention to them. That’s why I always ask women, Do you feel exhausted when you’re around him? Lonely? Do you feel as if you’re banging your head against the wall whenever you try to have a discussion? You must remember these questions, and any “yes” answers, because they’re specifically associated with Drama Kings.

One more thing: When you begin to feel sad all over again, and tempted to play the self-blame game, keep this in mind. An involvement so important that you wanted it to last forever is not a “waste of time” because it did not. Few relationships last forever, and the criteria for success have to reflect the realities of the 21st century. That year-long relationship with the guy you loved in college; that fabulous sex you had with the adorable cameraman from L.A. at your first job; those three days we won’t talk about with someone you shouldn’t have been with — they matter, all of them. They not only familiarized you with different kinds of love, but different aspects of yourself in love. Most important, they told you an infinite amount about what you were working through at the time; what was irresistible to you and what was problematic; what developmental issues you were grappling with and what qualities you were searching for and trying to develop in yourself. As I said before, these relationships are what made you who you are today; they made you strong. They gave you self-knowledge. And they prepared you for a deeper, more intimate, love.

We must never, ever, devalue our effort at making love work — to say things like, “All that work for nothing,” or “I gave him the best years of my life,” as if time alone were the measure of love. We must respect the effort and the time we put in. The measure of love is your capacity to offer it openly, and to have the intimacy skills necessary to have the connection that you crave — and a man’s ability to do the same.

Most men have the same capacity.

I think that our attraction to Drama Kings, those men who haven’t caught up with us yet, men who have rigid, outdated views of love and life, may be hardwired, a built-in responsiveness to different types of familiar, traditional, masculine stereotypes. We can only move past our training by grappling with one or two. And we all do. And we all wind up exhausted and lonely and wishing we could find someone else, someone who is able to love. And then, stronger, more clearly focused, we move on.

There are fabulous 21st century men out there who know that love isn’t solely a woman’s job. They have learned intimacy skills. They know that 21st century women are very happy to please them, but that the pleasure must be returned — that women want to be pleased, too. They know, too, that the days of standing by your man no matter what are over.

Motivational Makeover

Empress — Mon, 05 May 2008 00:08:45 +0000

BY: Ronnie Nijmeh

So often, we see individuals on television receiving a free makeover from a talk show host or a panel of celebrity “fashion police” on a reality show. The participants are absolutely elated with their new clothes, new hairstyle, and fresh new look. Their faces beam at the idea of becoming a new person - shedding off the old and taking on a new, different persona, like a snake shedding its skin. The transformation is sometimes drastic and commonly for the better.

Would it not be equally energizing and advantageous if we were able to give our personalities, attitudes, and thoughts a motivational makeover? We should not only want to look our best, but also feel our best and have the best of ourselves on display for the entire world to observe.

We can begin our internal renovation by making use of free motivational wallpapers in our workspace and personal desktops. Our senses and emotions are immediately heightened by these motivational wallpaper backgrounds. These jewels of photography and inspirational quotes can jar our outlook and attitudes. Our minds are excited into new thought processes, and our personalities have only to follow.

Motivational wallpaper backgrounds possess quotes created to incite a person to action. The presented imagery highlights hope, change for the better, success, and wisdom - all of the things necessary to makeover an individual’s psyche. Real, lasting change can only come about if it derives from within and makes it way outward. These free and awe inspiring wallpapers help to boost an individual’s self-perception, elevate progress, and add to endless possibilities. And as a result, positive energy emanates through their facial expressions, body language, verbal communication, actions, and outer appearance.

Free motivational wallpapers are tremendously engaging. The nature photographs generate a calming sensation and allow one to reflect on the words, which seem to speak directly to us. In addition, they permit us a moment to think about how the quotes apply to their personal and work life. The spirit is uplifted, and the mind and body are spurred into doing. No longer does the person want to sit in one place - in a state of complacency. The comfort of procrastination and stagnation are replaced by new momentum and direction.

Motivation is a powerful tool. If we can study and accept the benefits from its impact on our lives, we can undoubtedly attain a great deal from our personal relationships, our place of work, and ourselves. We live in a society that focuses greatly on aesthetics and pours millions of dollars into the cosmetic, medical, and fashion industries in order to look a certain way. We are frequently bombarded with “what’s in” and the latest fads and trends. With so much being hurled our way to make us prettier, leaner, or more glamorous, we should not lose sight of the most important enhancement - our attitudes and characters.

By enriching our personalities with motivation, our inner and outer selves will receive the makeover they deserve, and our overall physical and emotional qualities will greatly improve.

Let Your Dreams Lead You To A New Career

Empress — Mon, 05 May 2008 00:08:13 +0000

BY: Cindy Swiantek

Everyone has dreams, but all too often they let these dreams fall to the wayside and end up wondering years later whatever happened to all of the dreams that they had when they were younger. This doesn’t have to be the case, however; it’s possible to not only hold on to your dreams but also to make them come true by letting them influence your life and your career choices. Instead of simply saying that they’re nothing more than dreams, you can make a conscious decision to embrace those dreams and see them through to the end. Not only will you get to see your dreams become real, but you will find that by letting them influence the work that you do and the direction that your life takes you will be much more satisfied with your life’s work in general.

Recognizing Your Dreams
In order to live your dreams and let them lead you to your dream career, you will first need to realize exactly what your dreams are. Take some time to consider the things that you want and what you would like to see come to pass in your life; these aren’t the fanciful obsessions that you might get from time to time that will pass in a matter of days or weeks, but are instead the lifelong ambitions that you’ve held on to ever since you were introduced to the concept. Look into your heart, see what’s really important to you and what you would like most of all to see happen in your life, and that is where you will find your dreams.

Relating Your Dreams to Your Work
When you start seriously thinking about your dreams and comparing them to your life as it is right now, you might wonder how you’re ever going to be able to reach your dreams from the place that you are in life. Look at your job and the things that you do, and try and imagine what it would take in order to reach your dreams from this starting point. For some people this might be easy, and you might have been living out portions of your dreams without even realizing it for quite some time. You may notice that your volunteer work is what you love.

For others this could be a rather difficult task, however, since they may have taken the job that was needed at the time and then never really got a chance to start working toward their dreams again. Consider where in your career you are, and whether it’s possible to get where you want to be within that same career path. If it’s not, then you should start researching different career options until you find the one that will take you to your dreams and help you make them come true.

Using Your Work to Follow Your Dreams
When you can see yourself reaching your dreams from the career that you have, then it’s time to start putting your energy into following your career path to the point where you can reach your dreams. Set goals for yourself and for your career, and keep trying after every setback until those goals are reached. It might not always be easy, but once you have the career that’s right for you making it to your dreams will seem to be a natural progression.

Cindy Swiantek has provided coaching and instruction for several hundred professionals, assisting them in planning and executing successful career transition. She brings her own experiences from personally making the transition from employee to executive in the automotive industry. Her passion for assisting others is contagious!

Love At First Sight

Empress — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 20:17:15 +0000

BY: Shweeta Bhandari

There are but a mere hundred ways to fall in love, and yet possibly nothing has thus swayed the imagination of poets, writers and people than this- falling in love with a person on first sight.

There are but a mere hundred ways to fall in love, and yet possibly nothing has thus swayed the imagination of poets, writers and people than this- falling in love with a person on first sight. What is it about meeting a person you fancy and just knowing that you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her? It truly is hard to define such a feeling in words. People say that you have to experience it to know it.

Experts say that falling in love at first sight has more to do with outward appearances or a particular facial feature. There is nothing scientific about it. Most of us have an image in our minds about how we would like our prospective partner to look like, even detailing minor details such as the color of the hair and the eyes. Subconsciously, your mind has the image imprinted firmly, and when you come across such a person, it is possible that, your mind matches the image it has with what it sees in front of you. Which is why most people who fall in love, actually end up with the kind of people they were looking for in the first place? Others say that it is not love but a liking which takes place at first sight, and when the interest is pursued, becomes a full emotion.

However whatever people say, wherever you look, love at first sight sells. Be it in an advertisement, as Valentine’s Day or even in a movie. If you had to randomly ask people to name their favorite movies, one is bound to be a love story, which celebrates love at first sight. No matter what society thinks, falling in love at first sight will always make up a huge part of our fantasies. So If you ever fall in love and want to add flavors to it, then checkout the love quotes section at one of the best website in quotations and poems www.best-quotes-poems.com

Shweeta Bhandari is a great writer in the field of relationships and life. She has written hundreds of articles on love, friendship, quotes, poems, poetry, romance, life, relations and much more related topics.

Never Settle

Empress — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 20:17:08 +0000

BY: Chaz Kyser

I love Monster.com’s motto, “Never Settle.” The career website’s mission is to help individuals find jobs they will be passionate about. Their motto reflects the belief that people have a right to expect the best out of their careers and life in general.

One would hope that the “never settle” motto would be ingrained in young African-Americans’ and other minorities’ psyches by society, as we are said to have more opportunities than ever before. Yet, the majority of us seem to be encouraged to settle for less than what we desire and deserve. We are told in myriad ways by the media, educators, employers, and our family and friends that we are “lucky” just to have graduated from high school or college, and that aspiring to have anything beyond a job that pays our bills is wishful thinking. Instead of being encouraged and aided to follow our dreams, well-meaning but harmful people instill a fear in us that our ethnicity will be a huge barrier to our achievement, certain careers are too hard to succeed in, and that the further we seek to go in our careers the more we are at risk of failing.

In fact, many minorities are taught to settle throughout their lives. Parents can be heard telling their children they “better finish high school,” instead of taking it for granted that they will and focusing on how they will succeed in college. When in college, minority students are often told to major in a field they aren’t excited about or one that will supposedly guarantee them a job, instead of studying something more suited to their interests and strengths.

Fueling complacency in this way results in people having mediocre careers and mediocre lives. Ultimately, they will feel as if they missed out on something and did not realize their full potential-in which case they’d be right. Throughout history we have seen that the people who had the most rewarding careers and are remembered as leaders in their field, are those that knew their worth and refused to be happy with what others said should make them content.

So why should we have to take jobs that don’t excite us, utilize our skills, and help us grow? Why should we feel overjoyed to receive a paycheck every two weeks regardless of who it’s from? Why should we put our dreams on the backburner?

We can’t afford to lower our expectations and let others dictate what we’re worthy of having. We do ourselves, our ancestors, and future generations a disservice by striving for anything less than excellence and the realization of our goals. Robert Williams, a writer, once said, “It is impossible for a people to rise above their aspirations. If we think we cannot, we most certainly cannot. Our greatest enemy is our own defeatist attitude.” This is the mentality we need to have and nurture in others. Never let anyone tell you that something cannot be done or you’re not the person to do it. Never let anyone tell you that there is a limit to how much you can accomplish and that you should be satisfied to have made it as far as you have. Go further, and never settle.

Chaz Kyser is the author of “Embracing the Real World: The Black Woman’s Guide to Life After College.” Visit her website at www.embracingtherealworld.com.

Attraction

Empress — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 20:16:59 +0000

BY: Te-Erika Patterson

If you ask anyone you know how they ended up in a relationship chances are they’ll shrug and say, “It just happened” or “I fell in love”.

But, according to recent research published in the Social Behavior and Personality Journal, there are four distinct motivating factors that influence your desire to become romantically involved with someone. It’s as though you have a need that you want someone else to fill. When you find someone who fills that need, then love can bloom. However, when the need is unhealthy, it can be detrimental to the relationship.

Take a look at these 4 motivating factors and their effect on the relationship.

Distress
One of the most important motivating factors for women who fall in love is the desire to escape from loneliness, anxiety and helplessness. Someone in a distressing situation like single parenthood, may be more likely to have a strong desire for a relationship to escape the pressures of making decisions and taking care of a family alone.

The woman who seeks a romantic relationship for this reason may become dependent on the relationship because their mate is seen as a solution to their problem. If the relationship doesn’t last, the person may seek out another relationship to fill the void creating an endless cycle of attachment, not to the person but to the idea of not being alone when faced with a problem.

Identity Enhancement
Take a minute and list a few of the qualities that you would want in your partner. He could be wealthy, creative, and ambitious or even an entrepreneur. Then use that same list and check off how many of those same traits that you have. Chances are, you fall short of having all of the qualities on the list and there’s a reason for that.

While these women believe that these traits are generally desirable, the desire for a mate who has traits that you don’t possess may be an indication that your motivating factor for romance is to enhance your identity. Being with someone who is smarter than you are or more successful than you are in any area will surely boost your knowledge because by being around them their good habits and traits will rub off on you.

The downside to pursuing a relationship to enhance your identity is the inclination to develop a more manic attraction to your lover, often losing your sense of self in order to become more like the person you admire.

Aging and Social Pressures
You don’t feel old, but your parents and friends may tell you that you are. You look around and notice that everyone is coupled up but you and you convince yourself that you have to find someone to be in a relationship with. Aging and social pressure is another motivating factor that influences romantic attraction.

Women who initiate relationships for this reason often overlook the passion and physical attractiveness factors that many other women think are important. Instead, these women seek qualities like financial stability and good health to ensure security.

Sexual Desire
Many women satisfy their sexual desires by pursuing a romantic relationship. Having a consistent sex partner satisfies these women although if this is the motivating factor, they are less likely to engage in companion related activities that are not erotic such as going out to a movie or doing group activities with friends.

Although men are generally stereotyped to be unattached emotionally to sexual experiences, there are men who would find this type of relationship to be unfulfilling.

Reference: Jacobs, John R. (1992). Facilitators of romantic attraction and their relation to lovestyle. Social Behavior and personality. 227-234.

Believe Your Soul Mate is Out There?

Empress — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:16:48 +0000

BY: Arielle Ford
Believing that your soul mate is out there is critical to the preparation of manifesting him or her into your life. The basic law of attraction states that you will attract to you those things that match your state of belief. I believe that the Universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about ourselves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience. If we believe the world is a chaotic, stressful and fearful place, then that becomes our reality. So, believing and knowing that your soul mate is out there is part of the formula for manifestation. If you do not yet believe with 100% certainty that your soul mate is out there, let’s begin to look for things that will make a believer out of you. Do you believe you are loveable? If you are reading this then I am certain you are loveable. Why? Because, loveable people want more love in their lives. But, if you believe you are not loveable, I’m going to ask you to challenge that belief. Take a moment to identify at least three (or more) lovable traits that you possess, such as being generous, compassionate, friendly, kind, considerate, thoughtful, interesting, funny, etc. Write these down and then memorize them. You will be using them shortly for your treasure map. I know many very attractive, successful single people who have some very negative, limiting beliefs when it comes to finding their soul mate. The list usually goes something like this: I’m too old. I’m too fat. I’m too damaged. I have too much baggage. I am too successful. I am not successful enough. All the good ones are taken. Nobody I want wants me. These are just knee-jerk excuses to keep you stuck. There is plenty of evidence that love is available to everyone regardless of age, weight or income or any other feeble excuse. What if I told you that it’s not your job to know HOW your soul mate is going to appear? It’s only your job to be ready, willing and open to love. You don’t really know where air or water comes from but you totally believe that they are there for you. As a human being you know that air and water are your divine right. You know that no matter what mistakes you have made in the past, you are still going to wake up every day and have access to air and water. The same is true for love. It’s there for you. It’s always been there for you. You just need to remember the love that you are and once you do, the Universe will deliver to you the perfect soul mate. There is nothing for you to do, there is only a way for you to BE. Arielle Ford is a professional, previously unmarried woman who is revealing her secret to finding romance, love, marriage, and a perfect soumate. She discovered how to take her professional success and apply it to her personal life, and she has never been happier. Now she wants to share that secret with you